Showing posts with label Stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stuff. Show all posts

12-things-your-cv-should-not-have

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Colorful or glossy paper and flashy fonts
Your CV is a formal, official document. Keep it simple.

~ Resume or CV at the top
Many people tend to add headings to their CV. The usual are CV, Curriculum Vitae and Resume. Do not do this.

~ Photographs until asked
Do not add your photo to the CV until you have been asked for it. Photographs are required only for certain types of positions like models, actors etc.

~ Usage of 'I', 'My', 'He', 'She'
Do not use these in your CV. Many candidates write, 'I worked as Team Leader for XYZ Company' or 'He was awarded Best Employee for the year 2007'. Instead use bullet points to list out your qualifications/ experience like: Team leader for XYZ Company from 2006-2007.

~ Spelling mistakes and grammatical errors
Proofread your CV until you are confident that it doesn't have any spelling mistakes or grammatical errors. These are big put-offs for the recruiters. Moreover, sometimes these mistakes might land you in an embarrassing situation.
A candidate who submitted his CV without proofreading it committed the mistake of wrongly spelling 'ask' as 'ass'. Now you can imagine the type of embarrassment he must have faced during the interview, when the interviewer pointed it out. These mistakes tend to convey a lazy and careless attitude to the interviewer.

~ Lies about your candidature
Do not lie about your past jobs or qualifications or anything which might have an impact on the job. You may be able to secure a job with these lies today but tomorrow you may lose it as well.

~ Abbreviations or jargon that is difficult to understand
People screening your resume usually belong to the HR department. If they do not understand what the abbreviations and jargon mean, they will simply dump your CV in the trash can. Avoid over-using such terms as far as possible.

~ Reasons for leaving last job
Leave these reasons to be discussed during the personal interview. For example, some candidates write: Reason for leaving the last job: Made redundant. Avoid making such statements in your CV, they add no value. Besides, if you do get an interview call, chances are the interviewer will address the issue.

~ Past failures or health problems
Mentioning these immediately slash your chances of getting an interview call.
For instance, you have a gap in your employment because you started your own business which did not do well. Some candidates might write -- Reason for gap in employment: Started own business which failed. Do not do this type of injustice with your job hunt at this stage of writing the CV.

~ Current or expected salary
Leave it to be discussed while negotiating the salary.

~ Irrelevant details
Leave out the details like marital status, sex, passport number, number of kids, age of kids. These are usually irrelevant for most interviewers but at times could be used as a basis for discrimination.

~ References
Do not include them until asked. In fact, it is not even required to mention the line 'Reference available on request'. If the recruiter requires a reference, he/she will ask you to bring it along for the interview.

Male and Female Showering Habits

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Shower like a woman...


Take off clothing and place it in a sectioned laundry hamper according to lights, darks, whites, man made or natural.


Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If husband seen along the way cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.


Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out belly. Complain and whine about getting fat.


Get in shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, loin cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.


Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamprey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamprey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.


Condition hair with cucumber and lamprey conditioner with enhanced natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.


Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.


Rinse conditioner off hair taking at least 15 minutes to make sure that it's all come off.


Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.


Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and water loses pressure and turns red hot.


Turn off shower.


Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of small African country.


Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.


Check entire body for remotest sign of spots. Attack with nails and or tweezers (if you can find them).


Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If husband seen, cover up any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend hour and a half getting dressed.


Shower like a man...


Take off clothes while sitting on bed and leave them in a pile.


Walk naked to bathroom. If wife seen, shake knob at her while shouting "Way Hey!!"


Look in mirror and suck in gut to see your manly physique.


Admire size of knob in mirror, scratch bollocks and smell fingers for one last whiff.


Get in shower.


Don't bother to look for wash cloth, don't need one.


Wash face.


Wash armpits.


Laugh at how loud farts sound in the shower.


Wash bollocks and the surrounding area.


Wash arse, leaving hair on soap.


Shampoo hair but do not use conditioner.


Make Mohican hairstyle with shampoo. Pull back curtain to see self in mirror.


Piss in shower.


Rinse off and get out of shower. Fail to notice water on floor because shower curtain outside bath for whole shower time.


Partially dry off.


Look at self in mirror, flex muscles and admire size of knob again.


Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on floor.


Leave bathroom light and fan on.


Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, grab knob, go "Yeah baby" and thrust pelvis at her.


Put on yesterday's clothes.