Conversation between Husband & Wife who are in Computer Field.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

This is a conversation between Husband & Wife who are in Computer Field.

HUSBAND: Hi Dear, I am logged in.

WIFE: Would you like to have some snacks?

HUSBAND: Hard disk full.

WIFE: Have you brought the saree?

HUSBAND: Bad command or file name.

WIFE: But I told you about it in the morning!

HUSBAND: Syntax error, abort, retry, cancel.

WIFE: HAE BHAGAWAN! Forget it, where's your salary?

HUSBAND: File in use, read only. try after some time.

WIFE: Atleast give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.

HUSBAND: Sharing violation, access denied.

WIFE: I made a mistake in marrying you!

HUSBAND: Data type mismatch.

WIFE: You are useless!

HUSBAND: By default.

WIFE: Who was there with you in the car this morning?

HUSBAND: System unstable. Press ctrl, alt, del to reboot.

WIFE: What is my value in your life?

HUSBAND: Unknown virus detected.

WIFE: Do you love me or your computer?!

HUSBAND: Too many parameters.

WIFE: I will go to my dad's house!

HUSBAND: Program performed illegal operation, it will close.

WIFE: I will leave you forever!

HUSBAND: Close all programs and log out for another user.

WIFE: It's worthless talking to you!

HUSBAND: Shut down the computer.

WIFE: I am going!!!

HUSBAND: It is now safe to turn off your computer.

Go by your doctor's advice :-))

(1Smoke Once a Day ... !!!






(2) Take just One Glass of Alcohol a Day !!!




If Oil Prices Keep Increasing








Sleeping Might Be Harmfull Sometimes

A wife awoke early one morning to the sounds of her husband angrily banging
around pots and pans in the kitchens.
When she goes downstairs, she sees that he is looking for something to eat
but, more importantly, is very upset about something.
"What's the problem, darling? Didn't your program work?"
"It worked. I wrote that code until the wee hours of the morning, and it
worked!"
"Then what's the matter? Where there are a lot of bugs in it?"
"I took special pains to eliminate the bugs. It worked, and it worked
perfectly!"
"So what's wrong?"
"I was so tired when I finished, I decided to take a little nap, just for a
few minutes."
"Did you not sleep well? Did you have a nightmare?" the concerned wife
inquired.
"No, I slept perfectly well ... with my head on the backspace key."

Police Call Centre

Nine Words Women Use

1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying &*^$ YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

This is to all men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

Funny Homeless Signs










10 Reasons to say "OH GOD"











How to marry a rich guy - Fantastic reply from a financial person

Monday, February 25, 2008

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:
Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I'm going to be honest of what I' m going to say here.
I' m 25 this year.
I'm very pretty, have style and good taste.
I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above.

You might say that I 'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York.

My requirement is not high.
Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary?
Are you all married?

I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden ( ? ), $250k annual
income is not enough.

I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I 've met a few girls who doesn 't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty

Here 's a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:

Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest.
Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours.

Please allow me to analyze your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here.

From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.

Put the details aside, what you 're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty " and "money " Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there ' s a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can 't be prettier year after
year.

Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset.

It ' s not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a " trading position".

If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term ... same goes with the marriage that you wanted.

It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or " lease" .

Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you.

I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income.

This has better chance than finding a rich fool. Hope this reply helps.

If you are interested in " leasing" services, do contact me signed,
J.P. Morgan

Note: JP Morgan is leading financial services firm with global scale and reach.

From a standpoint of separating fools from their money, it’s probably a fantastic idea.

During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, “Bartender, I’d like to buy the house a round of drinks.”


The bartender said, “That’s fine, but we’re in the middle of the Depression, so I’ll need to see some money first.”



The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can’t believe what he’s seeing. “Where did you get all that money?” asked the bartender.


“I’m a professional gambler,” replied the man.


The bartender said, “There’s no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?”


“Well, I only bet on sure things,” said the guy.



“Like what?” asked the bartender.


“Well, for example, I’ll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye,” he said.


The bartender thought about it. “Okay,” he said.


So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. “Aw, you screwed me,” said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.



“I’ll give you another chance. I’ll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye,” said the stranger.


The bartender thought again and said, “Well, I know you’re not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I’ll take that bet.” So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.


“Aw, you screwed me again!” protested the bartender.



“That’s how I win so much money, bartender. I’ll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars,” said the man.


With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, “Bartender, I’ll give you one last chance. I’ll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop.”


The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn’t even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. “Okay, you’re on,” he said.



The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not even a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.


The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, “Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!”


The guy climbed down off the bar and said, “That’s okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!”

New words added to the English dictionary

Bucknor : (n) (adj)

1. Temporary blindness leading to missing out on the obvious.

2. To be at the wrong place at the wrong time.

3. Situations leading to grave judgmental errors.

Usage: I feel bucknored by my boss; Life often throws a bucknor at you.



Benson: (n) (adj)

1. Something that legitimises a severe bucknor.

Usage: First they bucknored me and then they bensoned it! I am toast.

Also see bucknor


Pontingity : [ pont in gi tee ]


possession of firm principles: the quality of possessing and steadfastly adhering to high moral principles or professional standards !!!

Usage: You cannot question my pontingity in the game.


Kumble: (1) Possession of strict adherence to the gentlemanly sport of cricket,

(2) extreme self-righteousness and pomposity


Eg. “Only one side was playing Kumble in this match”



& “India always plays Kumble because we are so Kumble.”


Harbhajan: The combined medical conditions of myopia and memory loss


Eg. “I thought he was a monkey not a man and I forgot that I had been told about this before. It’s not my fault, I have Harbhajan disease.


Tendulkar: to petulantly take your bat & ball and sulk your way home



Eg “Harbhajan is innocent and I suggest that if he is not cleared we do a tendulkar and get the f… out of here.”

Take a pic of you from your monitor screen

HieZz,

Hope dat you will be fyn.


just log on to
www.monitorcamera.com

THANX..... waiting 4 comments

Play Online Music

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Funny Accident Report Form

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Trying To Do The Job Alone

...one of the greatest comic texts of all time...

If you laugh, you have to tell a friend about this site. Don't forget!

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 of the accident reporting form, I put "trying to do the job alone" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trust that the following details will be sufficient:

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of brick left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which, fortunately, was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the brick into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tight to insure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note, in block number 11 of the accident reporting form, that I weigh 135 pounds.

Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured skull and broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground, and the bottom broke out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately fifty pounds.

I refer you again to my weight in the accident reporting form, block number 11.
As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounted for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations on my legs and lower body.

The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks, and fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the bricks in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel six stories above me...I again lost my presence of mind...and let go of the rope!

Real 911 calls

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency? Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner. Dispatcher: Do you have an address? Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?


Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency? Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich. Dispatcher: Excuse me? Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it. Dispatcher: Was anything else taken? Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!


Dispatcher: 911 Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out. Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from? Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic? Caller: No Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing? Caller: Running from the Police.


Dispatcher: 911 What is the nature of your emergency? Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it. Dispatcher: This is nine eleven. Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing. Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.


Dispatcher: 911 What's the nature of your emergency? Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart Dispatcher: Is this her first child? Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

Run

I was teaching a very basic class in BASIC programming to a group of adults. Adults who have never been around computers before are very nervous and much harder to teach than children, however I am a patient person so I enjoy their successes. However, I must share the following:
After putting a short program on the board, I told the students to type "R," "U," "N" and press return to see the program execute. A hand went up in the back of the room, waving to get my attention, and the person attached to the hand said, "I did what you said and it didn't work." Knowing full-well that all of us make mistakes when typing at the computer, I suggested she retype "R," "U," "N" and press return.
A few seconds later, the lady's hand goes up again. "It still doesn't work," she said.
So... I went back to see what the problem was ... only to find that instead of typing RUN, she had typed in the following: ARE YOU IN !

Technical support

I worked in technical support at Silicon Graphics about a year ago, and I was part of the group that was first in line to handle problem calls. Oh, joy. Being only eighteen at the time, my experience in the field of technical support was somewhat limited, but I could still handle my own.
Now, as you may or may not know, SGI sells top of the line computers used in many different industries. On average, they're about three times as expensive as personal PCs and are meant to be used by professionals in the industries they're used in.
Anyway, the following call came in:
Customer: "I just received an Onyx yesterday, and I tried to set it up today and it doesn't work." Tech Support: "It just doesn't boot up?" Customer: "It doesn't even turn on. I see nothing on the screen, and the fan doesn't even turn on in the back of the system." Tech Support: "Is the monitor functioning? Is there a little green light in the lower right corner of the monitor?" Customer: "Yes, there is." Tech Support: "Ok, is the computer plugged in?" Customer: (irritated) "Look, I think I know how to set up a system. I'm a college graduate, you know." Tech Support: "Ok, let me finish typing up this report, and I'll send it off. You will get a reply within one business day." Customer: (exasperated) "Thank you. Geez, I mean I paid a huge amount of money for this computer. The least you people can do it make sure it works before sending it to me!"
Customer: "I mean, to add to the poor quality control, you even sent me one extra power cord." Tech Support: "One extra cord?" Customer: "Yes, it looks just the one I used to plug in the monitor and computer, but that's all you sent to me. I have no use for this other one." At this point, I thought I should inquire a little more...but use a bit of tact to do so.
Tech Support: "Sir, can you double check the serial number on the back of your computer?" Customer: "On the back of the computer?" Tech Support: "Yes, sir." Customer: (sigh) "All right, all right, hold on..." I heard a few muffled grunts as he crawled over his desk to see the back of the computer. He repeated the serial number from the sticker. I didn't bother to verify it.
Tech Support: "Thank you, sir. Oh, by the way, can you check to see if the computer is plugged in?" Dead silence. I could just picture the man's face when he realized that the computer was never plugged in in the first place and that the "extra" power cord he was holding in his hand was for the computer. I didn't wait for a response from him. I thanked him for calling, hung up, and closed the case.

Their sons

These 4 pals go out to play golf one sunny morning. One is detained in the clubhouse, and the other three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee. "My son BIll," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the home-building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful in fact, in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."
The second man, no to be out done, tells how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "George is so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave his friend two brand new cars as a gift."
The third man's son, Albert, has worked his way up through a stock brokerage, and in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.
As the fourth man arrives at the tee, another tells him that they have been discussing their progeny and asks what line his son is in.
"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased with how my son turned out," he replies. "For 15 years, Frank's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently discovered he's gay. However, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates."

Rolls Royce Loan

A businessman walks into a bank in San Francisco and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $7,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the businessman returns, repays the $7,000 and the interest, which comes to $19.67.
The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little confused. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What confuses us is why would you bother to borrow $7,000?"
The businessman replied, "Where else in San Francisco can I park my car for two weeks for $20 bucks?"

Zoo Job

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts. So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before the crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.
At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction. Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion he slips and falls. The mime is terrified.
The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help me, help me!", but the lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?"

Radio conversation

This is supposed to be the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995.
- Please change your direction 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
- Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to South to avoid a collision.
- This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
- No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
- THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!
- This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Alligators In The Pool

A CEO throwing a party takes his executives on a tour of his opulent mansion. In the back of the property, the CEO has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen. The huge pool, however, is filled with hungry alligators. The CEO says to his executives "I think an executive should be measured by courage. Courage is what made me CEO. So this is my challenge to each of you: if anyone has enough courage to dive into the pool, swim through those alligators, and make it to the other side, I will give that person anything they desire. My job, my money, my house, anything!" Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer and proceeds to follow the CEO on the tour of the estate. Suddenly, they hear a loud splash. Everyone turns around and sees the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) in the pool, swimming for his life. He dodges the alligators left and right and makes it to the edge of the pool with seconds to spare. He pulls himself out just as a huge alligator snaps at his shoes.The flabbergasted CEO approaches the CFO and says, "You are amazing. I've never seen anything like it in my life. You are brave beyond measure and anything I own is yours. Tell me what I can do for you.
The CFO, panting for breath, looks up and says, "You can tell me who the hell pushed me in the pool!"

Smart student

The college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late. Those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student's immediate family.A 'smart' student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up. "But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?"
As you would expect, the class exploded in laughter. When the students had finally settled down, the professor froze the young man with a glaring look."Well," he responded, "I guess you'll just have to learn to write with your other hand."

Recovering thinker

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read writings of Plato, Saint Augustine of Hippo, Jesus Christ, and Aristotle. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"
Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.
I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think about.
I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey, " I confessed, "I've been thinking..." "I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!" "But Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any money!" "That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to cry. I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for Clinton's latest book "Family Morals in America". Listening to a PBS station on the radio, I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors... they didn't open. The library was closed. Later, I realized that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.
Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Jerry Spinger" talking about the song "I'm bad" by Michael Jacks. Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. Life just seemed .. more bland .. without purpose or meaning, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking, and avoided thoughts about the meaning of life and my future. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home and the office. Now I stare for hours at the T.V. and receive my daily dose of brainwashing instead of contemplating the mysteries of life.
Have you joined Thinker's Anonymous yet?

Medical problem

An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. "I do that all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I did it no less than twenty times. What can I do?" "Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week."
Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson's office. "Doctor, I don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm doing it just as much, but now it smells terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?"
"Calm down, Mrs. Harris," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing!!!"

Catch a rabbit

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.The FBI goes in.After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in.They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

Cup holder

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech Rep: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech Rep: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."
At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive.

I know this lawyers

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial-a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail within 3 minutes!"

Best Known Man In The World

There was a man named Sulio and Sulio knew EVERYONE in the whole world!!! Once when Sulio got a new job, Sulio says to his new boss, "Boss, I know everyone in the whole world!" His boss doesn't believe him, so he says "No you do not know everyone in the whole world" but Sulio says "Yes I do!" so Sulio's boss says "Well prove it!" then Sulio says "Pick someone... and I know them!"
Well Sulio's boss thinks for a minute and then comes up with a name. "Tom Selleck! I bet you don't know Tom Selleck!" Sulio says "Tom Selleck! Tom and I were in boy scouts together when we were kids!" but Sulio's boss says "No you weren't!" then Sulio says "Yes we were!" so they fly to Hollywood and drive up to Tom Selleck's house. Sulio knocks on the door and Tom Selleck answers and Sulio goes "Tom!!!" and Tom goes "Sulio!" and they hug and catch up for 30 minutes and Sulio's boss can't believe it. But then he thinks "Well that could happen, it's just one person," so he tells Sulio and Sulio says "OK, pick somebody else!"
This time Sulio's boss has someone in mind! "The president, Bill Clinton! You don't know Bill Clinton!" but Sulio says "Oh yes I do! Bill and I were on debate team together in college!" Sulio's boss says "No you weren't!" and Sulio says "Yes we were!" so they fly to Washington and they catch up with the President at a press conference. They work their way through the crowd until Sulio get's close enough to catch Clinton's eye and waves "Bill!" and the President waves "Sulio!" and after the press conference they hug and catch up for 30 minutes and Sulio's boss is stunned-- he can't believe it. But then he thinks "Well that's just two people in one country-- that doesn't mean he knows everyone in the whole world!" so he tells Sulio and Sulio says "OK, pick someone out of the world spectrum and I know them!"
And Sulio's boss knows just who to pick so he says "The Pope! You do not know the Pope!" and Sulio says "The Pope! The Pope BAPTIZED me!" and Sulio's boss says "No he didn't!" and Sulio says "Yes he did!" so they fly to Rome where the Pope is giving Mass in front of hundreds of thousands of people. They work their way through the crowd-- without much luck-- so Sulio says "Boss, we're never gonna get there together through all these people so I tell you what--I'll work my way up there and when I do, I'll give you a sign that shows you I know the Pope!" and he leaves. Well Sulio's boss waits and waits and waits and just when he's about to give up, he sees the Pope come out onto the balcony and right there beside him is Sulio!
Shortly afterwards, Sulio's boss passes out. Sulio comes back and finds his boss passed out and he fans him and says "Boss! Boss! Wake up!" and when his boss comes to, he asks "Boss what happened?" Sulio's boss looks at Sulio and says "OK, I can see Tom Selleck. I can see Bill Clinton... hell, I can even take the Pope! But when somebody standing next to me asks 'Who's that up there with Sulio?' that's a little more than I can take!

Duck hunting

He and a friend go duck hunting in winter, and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the lake with their guns, a dog, and of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready.
Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on. In order to make a hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck would fly down and land on, it's going to take a little more effort than an ice hole drill. So, out of the back of the nw Navigator truck comes a stick of dynamite with a short, 40-second fuse.
Now, these two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration that they want to place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they are standing (and from the new Navigator truck), and they don't want to take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run from the lit dynamite fuse and possibly go up in smoke with the resulting blast. They light the 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite as far away as they can.
Remember a couple of sentences back when I mentioned the vehicle, the guns, and the dog??
Let's talk about the dog: it's a highly trained Labrador used for RETRIEVING. Especially well trained at retrieving things thrown by the owner. You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the ice and captures the stick of dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse about the time it hits the ice. The two men yell, scream, wave their arms and wonder what to do now. The dog, cheered on, keeps coming.
One of the guys grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 birdshot, hardly big enough to stop a Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, but continues on. Another shot and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinking these two geniuses have gone insane. The dog takes off to find cover, under the brand new Navigator truck..
The men continue to yell as they run away. The exhaust pipe on the truck is still hot, so the dog yelps and drops the dynamite under the truck, and takes off after his master.
Then --BOOM-- the truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake in a very large hole, leaving the two idiots standing there with this "I can't believe this happened" look on their faces.
The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is NOT COVERED. He still had yet to make the first of those $560.00 a month payments!!!
And you thought your day was not going well.

Nasty Bug

Every night, Harold would go down to the liquor store, get a six pack, bring it home, and drink it while he watched TV. One night, as he finished his last beer, the doorbell rang. He stumbled to the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing there. The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw him across the room, and left. The next night, after he finished his 3th beer, the doorbell rang. He walked slowly to the door and found the same six-foot cockroach standing there. The big bug punched him in the stomach, then left.
The next night, after he finished his 1st beer, the doorbell rang again. The same six-foot cockroach was standing there. This time he was kneed in the groin and hit behind the ear as he doubled over in pain. Then the big bug left.
The fourth night Harold didn't drink at all. The doorbell rang. The cockroach was standing there. The bug beat the snot out of Harold and left him in a heap on the living room floor.
The following day, Harold went to see his doctor. He explained events of the preceding four nights. "What can I do?" he pleaded."Not much" the doctor replied. "There's just a nasty bug going around."

The Bar Story

This guy goes to a bar that's on the tenth floor of a hotel. He sits down and has a couple of drinks, then stands up, announces loudly that he has had enough, and goes over and jumps out the window. Now, there are two men who are sitting at a window table, and having that natural human curiosity about the grotesque, watch as this man plummets to certain death. However, just as he is about to hit the ground, he rights himself, pulls his feet underneath himself, and lands gracefully. He then turns and comes back into the building. Naturally, the two men are amazed. The guy comes back into the bar, orders a few drinks, then repeats the process. The two men at the window seat are astounded! When the guy returns and repeats the procedure AGAIN, the two men stop him before he jumps and ask him how on earth he does that. He replies "It's simple, really. There's an air vent down by the ground, and if you catch the updraft, you can right yourself and land on the ground with no problems." Then he proceeded to jump out the window again. Well, these two men decided that they just HAD to try this, so they jumped out the window, and SPLAT! -- made a mess hitting all over the ground.


Meanwhile, the first guy has made it back up to the bar. When he sits down to order his drinks, the bartender says "Superman, you can be a real ------- when you're drunk!"

Super Fly

Saturday, February 9, 2008


video

Somersaulting Coin

Friday, February 8, 2008

This trick requires a lot of practice before you can perform it effectively. If you are very proficient with this trick, the coin will look as if it is alive. This is also a very good introductory routine before performing other coin conjuring magic.

1. Place a large coin between your index and middle fingers.

2. Raise your index finger to tip the coin to roll over to the space between your middle and ring fingers.

3. Continue to raise your middle finger to tip the coin to roll over to the space between the ring and little fingers.

4. Continue to raise your ring finger and then the little finger tipping the coin to somersault until it drops off your hand.

5. You can catch the coin and place it back to the beginning position with the same hand and repeat the trick again.

6. You can also reverse the motions when the coin is at the space between the ring and little finger.

Talk,Chat to God

Thursday, February 7, 2008




9 hidden figures


9 hidden figures
Can you find the 9 hidden figures?

General Interesting Facts

  • No piece of normal-size paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
  • The first product to have a bar code scanned was Wrigley's gum.
  • Earth is the only planet not named after a pagan God.

  • A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.

  • The new 787 Boeing was revealed on 7/8/07 or July 8th, 07.

  • Every day is about 55 billionths of a second longer than the day before it

  • Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

  • Footprints of astronauts who landed on the moon should last at least 10 million years since the moon has no atmosphere.

  • The national orchestra of Monaco (a nation in Europe) has more individuals than its army.

  • Earthworms have five hearts

  • The Himalayan gogi berry contains, weight for weight, more iron than steak, more beta carotene than carrots, more vitamin C than oranges.

  • Fingerprints of koalas are similar (in pattern, shape and size) to the fingerprints of humans

  • Genetically-engineered babies were born first in 2001.

  • If an Amish man has a beard, he is married.

  • If a native Hawaiian woman places the flower on her right ear, she is available. (The bigger the flower, the more desperate)

  • Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

  • Pope Pius II wrote an erotic book "Historia de duobos amantibus" in 1444.

  • SCUBA divers cannot pass gas at depths of 33 feet or below

  • Pele has always hated his nickname, which he says sounds like "baby-talk in Portuguese".

  • As of 2006, 200 million blogs were left without updates
  • Urban birds have developed a short, fast "rap style" of singing, different from their rural counterparts.
  • The lion costume in the film Wizard of Oz was made from real lions.
  • Fathers tend to determine the height of their child, mothers their weight.
  • The Pope's been known to wear red Prada shoes.
  • Donald Rumsfeld was both the youngest and the oldest defense secretary in US history.
  • Coco Chanel started the trend for sun tans in 1923 when she got accidentally burnt on a cruise.
  • Up to 25% of hospital keyboards carry the MRSA infection.
  • In ancient Greece, children of wealthy families were dipped in olive oil at birth to keep them hairless throughout their lives.
  • Ghandi didn't allow his wife to take penicillin to save her life from pneumonia but took quinine to save himself from malaria.
  • Sex workers (Prostitutes) in Roman times charged the equivalent price of eight glasses of red wine.
  • As of 2006, more than one in eight people in the United States show signs of addiction to the internet.
  • More than 90% of plane crashes have survivors.
  • The Mona Lisa used to hang on the wall of Napoleon’s bedroom.
  • Barbie's full name is Barbie Millicent Roberts.
  • Eating a packet of crisps a day is equivalent to drinking five liters of cooking oil a year.
  • Plant seeds that have been stored for more than 200 years can be coaxed into new life.
  • For every 10 successful attempts to climb Mount Everest there is one fatality. (As of 2006)
  • Watching television can act as a natural painkiller for children
  • Forty-one percent of English women have punched or kicked their partners, according to a study.
  • The more panels a football has - and therefore the more seams - the easier it is to control in the air.
  • Music can help reduce chronic pain by more than 20% and can alleviate depression by up to 25%.
  • The egg came first.
  • Modern teenagers are better behaved than their counterparts of 20 years ago, showing "less problematic behavior" involving sex, drugs and drink.
  • Britain is still paying off debts that predate the Napoleonic wars because it's cheaper to do so than buy back the bonds on which they are based.
  • In Bhutan government policy is based on Gross National Happiness; thus most street advertising is banned, as are tobacco and plastic bags.
  • The best-value consumer purchase in terms of the price and usage is an electric kettle.
  • Camel's milk, which is widely drunk in Arab countries, has 10 times more iron than cow's milk.
  • Iceland has the highest concentration of broadband users in the world.
  • Native Hawaiian women were not allowed to cook.
  • The age limit for marriage in France was, until recently, 15 for girls, but 18 for boys. The age for girls was raised to 18 in 2006.
  • The brain is soft and gelatinous - its consistency is something between jelly and cooked pasta.
  • The Himalayas cover one-tenth of the Earth's surface.
  • A "lost world" exists in the Indonesian jungle that is home to dozens of hitherto unknown animal and plant species.
  • The two most famous actors who portrayed the “Marlboro Man” in the cigarette ads died of lung cancer.
  • All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public.

  • The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. It was the fashion in Renaissance Florence to shave them off.

  • Walt Disney was afraid of mice.

  • The first known marketer of the flushing toilet was Thomas Crapper.

  • The average bed is home to over 6 billion dust mites.

  • The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

  • The average chocolate bar has 8 insect legs in it.

  • The average American consumes 1.2 pounds of spider eggs a year and eat 2.5 pounds of insect parts a year. (This fact and the one prior to it have been judged as urban legends by many)

  • Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do. (Makes you think about ambidextrous people) This fact is based on a study that had errors in it, thus it might not be a fact.

  • Its impossible to smoke oneself to death with weed. You won\'t be able to retain enough motor control and consciousness to do so after such a large amount.

  • Every drop of seawater contains approximately 1 billion gold atoms.

  • The US national anthem actually has three verses, but everyone just knows the first one.

  • During World War II, IBM built counting machines the Nazis used to manage their death/concentration camps.

  • During World War II, the British Intelligence used the Colossus Machines (precursor to computers) at Bletchley Park to help decode the enigma code of the Nazis.

  • The first Computer was ENIAC, short for Electronic Numerical Integrator And Computer, unveiled on February 14, 1946 (Thanks D.B. of AU)

  • The total combined weight of the worlds ant population is heavier than the weight of the human population.

  • The deadliest war in history excluding World War II was a civil war in China in the 1850s in which the rebels were led by a man who thought he was the brother of Jesus Christ.

  • Just about 3 people are born every second, and about 1.3333 people die every second. The result is about a 2 and 2/3 net increase of people every second. Almost 10 people more live on this Earth now, than before you finished reading this.

  • Happy Birthday (the song) is copyrighted.

  • The number of people alive on earth right now is higher than the number of all the people that have died. Ever.

  • Men with a certain rare medical condition can breastfeed babies

  • There is a rare condition called Exploding Head Syndrome which you have probably never heard of.

  • Scientists have determined that fungi are more closely related to human beings and animals than to other plants.

  • In some (maybe all) Asian countries, the family name is written
    first and the individual name written second

  • Abe Lincoln bought 50 cents worth of cocaine in 1860

  • A German World War II submarine was sunk due to malfunction of the toilet.

  • Washington State has the longest single beach in the United States.Long Beach, WA

  • The largest living thing on the face of the Earth is a mushroom underground in Oregon, it measures three and a half miles in diameter.

  • The town of Los Angeles, California, was originally named "El Pueblo la Nuestra Senora de Reina de los Angeles de la Porciuncula"

  • 9 out of 10 people believe Thomas Edison invented the light bulb.This isn't true; Joseph Swan did.

  • Honey is the only food that does not spoil. Honey found in the tombs of Egyptian pharaohs has been tasted by archaeologists and found edible.

  • The Population of the world can live within the state boundaries of Texas.

  • Plastic lawn flamingos outnumber real flamingos in the U.S.A.

  • Ernest Vincent Wright wrote a novel with over 50,000 words, none of which containing the letter "e."

  • Tourists visiting Iceland should know that tipping at a restaurant is not considered an insult! Despite the expensive food, tipping is welcome as in any other country.

  • The largest pumpkin weighed 377 pounds.

  • The largest cabbage weighed 144 pounds.

  • Pinocchio was made of pine.

  • Alfred Hitchcock had no belly button for it was eliminated during surgery.

  • A quarter has 119 grooves around the edge.

  • A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

  • Cranberry Jell-0 is the only kind that contains real fruit.

  • The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

  • Maine is the toothpick capital of the world.

  • New Jersey has a spoon museum with over 5,400 spoons from almost all the states.

  • There was once a town in West Virginia called "6."

  • The parking meter was invented in North Dakota.

  • Napoleon made his battle plans in a sandbox.

  • Roman Emperor Caligula made his horse a senator.

  • The green stuff on the occasional freak potato chip is chlorophyll.

  • Neil Armstrong stepped on the moon with his left foot first.

  • There are 333 toilet paper squares on a toilet paper roll.

  • The Eiffel Tower has 2,500,000 rivets in it.

  • "Jaws" is the most common name for a goldfish.

  • On an average work day, a typist's fingers travel 12.6 miles.

  • Every minute in the U.S. six people turn 17.

  • Ten tons of space dust falls on the Earth every day.

  • On average, a 4-year-old child asks 437 questions a day.

  • Blue and white are the most common school colors.

  • Swimming pools in Phoenix, Arizona, pick up 20 pounds of dust a year.

  • In a normal lifetime an American will eat 200 pounds of peanuts and 10,000 pounds of meat.

  • A new book is published every 13 minutes in America.

  • America's best selling ice cream flavor is vanilla.

  • Every year the sun loses 360 million tons.

  • Because of Animal Crackers, many kids until they reach the age of ten, believe a bear is as tall as a giraffe.

  • The Gulf Stream could carry a message in a bottle at an average of 4 miles per hour.

  • The bulls-eye on a dartboard must be 5 feet 8 inches off the ground.

  • The doorbell was invented in 1831.

  • The electric shaver was patented on November 6, 1928.

  • Japan is the largest exporter of frog's legs.

  • There are seven points on the Statue of Liberty's crown.

  • Napoleon was terrified of cats.

  • The first Lifesaver flavor was peppermint.

  • The typical American eats 263 eggs a year.

  • The parking meter was invented by C.C. Magee in 1935.

  • The oldest known vegetable is the pea.

  • Jack is the most common name in nursery rhymes.

  • The avocado has the most calories of any fruit.

  • The first zoo in the USA was in Philadelphia.

  • France has the highest per capita consumption of cheese.

  • The shortest English word that contains the letters A, B, C, D, E, and F is "feedback."

  • The state of California raises the most turkeys out of all of the states.

  • George Washington Carver invented peanut butter.

  • Iceland was the first country to legalize abortion in 1935.

  • The dumbest domesticated animal is the turkey.

  • Russia has the most movie theaters in the world.

  • The most fatal car accidents occur on Saturday.

  • The Eiffel Tower has 1792 steps.

  • The mongoose was barred live entry into the U.S. in 1902.

  • Goldfish swallowing started at Harvard in 1939.

  • Dry fish food can make goldfish constipated.

  • The stall closest to the door in a bathroom is the cleanest, because it is the least used.

  • Toilet paper was invented in 1857.

  • Alaska could hold the 21 smallest States.

  • Before Prohibition, Schlitz Brewery owned more property in Chicago than anyone else, except the Catholic church.

  • If you put a raisin in a glass of champagne, it will keep floating to the top and sinking to the bottom.

  • Kermit the Frog is left-handed.

  • Nondairy creamer is flammable.

  • The car in the foreground on the back of a $10 bill is a 1925 Hupmobile.

  • If you can see a rainbow you must have your back to the sun.

  • The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.

  • It's rumored that sucking on a copper penny will cause a breathalyzer to read 0. Myth Busters on the Discovery Channel proved this wrong.

  • The ship, the Queen Elizabeth 2, should always be written as QE2. QEII is the actual queen.

  • The correct response to the Irish greeting, "Top of the morning to you," is "and the rest of the day to yourself."

  • Columbia University is the second largest landowner in New York City, after the Catholic Church.

  • When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers play football at home to a sellout crowd, the stadium becomes the state's third largest city.

  • Ohio is listed as the 17th state in the U.S., but technically it is Number 47. Until August 7, 1953, Congress forgot to vote on a resolution to admit Ohio to the Union.

  • When Saigon fell, the signal for all Americans to evacuate was Bing Crosby's "White Christmas" being played on the radio.

  • The pet ferret was domesticated more than 500 years before the house cat.

  • The dome on Monticello, Thomas Jefferson's home, conceals a billiards room. In Jefferson's day, billiards were illegal in Virginia.

  • The most common speed limit sign in the United States is 25 m.p.h.

  • At any one time, there are 100 million phone conversations going on in the United States.

  • The world's record for continuous pogo stick jumping is 41 hours.

  • The Ottoman Empire once had seven emperors in seven months. They died of (in order): burning, choking, drowning, stabbing, heart failure, poisoning and being thrown from a horse.

  • You can make edible cheese from the milk of 24 different mammals.

  • Sir Isaac Newton, who invented Calculus, had trouble with names to the point where he would forget his brothers' names.

  • In medieval Thailand, they had moveable type printing presses. The type was made from baked oxen dung.

  • By law, employees do not have to wash hands after sneezing.

  • The average American consumes enough caffeine in one year to kill a horse.

  • More American workers (18%) call sick on Friday than any other day of the week. Tuesday has the lowest percent of absenteeism (11%).

  • Enough beer is poured every Saturday across America to fill the Orange Bowl.

  • A newborn expels its own body weight in waste every 60 hours.

  • Whales die if their echo system fails.

  • Florida's beaches lose 20 million cubic yards of sand annually.

  • Naturalists use marshmallows to lure alligators out of swamps.

  • It takes a ton of water to make a pound of refined sugar.

  • Weevils are more resistant to poisons in the morning than at night.

  • Cacao, the main ingredient of chocolate is the most pest-ridden tree in the jungle.

  • In deep space most lubricants will disappear.

  • America once issued a 5-cent bill.

  • The average person can live 11 days without water.

  • In 1221 the daughter of Genghis Khan ordered the killing of the entire population of the city of Nishapur (about 60,000) in one hour. The order came after her husband killing. (Moguls claim that 1.7 million were killed)

  • There are 35 million digestive glands in the stomach.

  • In 1800 on 50 cities on earth had a population of more than 100,000.

  • More steel in the US is used to make bottle caps than to manufacture automobile bodies.

  • It is possible for any American citizen to give whatever name he or she chooses to any unnamed mountain or hill in the United States.

  • King Henry III of France, Louis XVI of France and Napoleon all suffered from ailurophobia--fear of cats.

  • Before 1850 golf balls were made of leather and stuffed with feathers.

  • Clocks made before 1687 had only one hand, and hour hand.

  • The motto of the American people, "In God We Trust," was not adopted as the national slogan until 1956.

  • More Americans have died in automobile accidents than have died in all the wars ever fought by the United States.

  • The ampersand (&) was once a letter of the English alphabet.

  • The principality of Monaco consists of 370 acres.

  • There are more than 40,000 characters in Chinese script.

  • During the time of Peter the Great, any Russian man who had a beard was required to pay a special tax.

  • The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television was Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

  • Coca-Cola was originally green.

  • Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. treasury.

  • The Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters (I was thankfully corrected by a friend: The Hawai'ian alphabet has 13 letters, A, E, I, O, U, H, K, L, M, N, P, W, ' (which is called an okina).

  • Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.

  • The amount American Airlines saved in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first class: $40,000.

  • City with the most Rolls Royces per capita: Hong Kong.

  • State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska.

  • Percentage of Africa that is wilderness--28%. Percentage of North America that is wilderness--38%.

  • Average number of days a German goes without washing his underwear: 7.

  • Percentage of American men who say they would marry the same woman if they had it to do all over again: 80%.

  • Percentage of American women who say they'd marry the same man: 50%.

  • Cost of raising a medium size dog to the age of 11: $6,400.

  • Average people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000.

  • Average lifespan of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.

  • The only President to win a Pulitzer Prize: John Kennedy for "Profiles in Courage."

  • The youngest Pope was 11 years old.

  • Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola per capita than any other nation.

  • First novel ever written on a typewriter: "Tom Sawyer."

  • A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why. (This was challenged and proved wrong by the TV show "Mythbusters")

  • The main library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.

  • Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades--King David, Clubs--Alexander the Great, Hearts--Charlemagne and Diamonds--Julius Caesar.

  • If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one leg front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all 4 legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

  • Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th. The last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

  • The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are useable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.

  • The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth 2, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

  • The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado.

  • The first airline, DELAG, was established on October 16, 1909, to carry passengers between German cities by Zeppelin airships. Up to November 1913, more than 34,000 people had used the service.

  • Titanic was running at 22 knots when she hit the iceberg

  • The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; '7' was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces. 'UP' indicated the direction of the bubbles

  • Francis Scott Key was a young lawyer who wrote the poem, 'The Star Spangled Banner', after being inspired by watching the Americans fight off the British attack of Baltimore during the War of 1812. The poem became the words to the national anthem

  • Because radio waves travel at 186,000 miles per second and sound waves saunter at 700 miles per hour, a broadcast voice can be heard sooner 13,000 miles away than it can be heard at the back of the room in which it originated

  • Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know your there

  • The bagpipe was originally made from the whole skin of a dead sheep
    Inventor Samuel Colt patented his revolver in 1836.

  • It has been recommended by dentists that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet (two meters) away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush!

  • In ancient Rome it was considered a sign of leadership to be born with a crooked nose

  • It is possible to drown and not die. Technically the term 'drowning' refers to the process of taking water into the lungs, not to death caused by that process.

  • The first known heart medicine was discovered in an English garden. In 1799, physician John Ferriar noted the effect of dried leaves of the common foxglove plant, digitalis purpurea, on heart action. Still used in heart medications, digitalis slows the pulse and increases the force of heart contractions and the amount of b lood pumped per heartbeat.

  • Dry cereal for breakfast was invented by John Henry Kellogg at the turn of the century

  • During World War II, a German U-boat was sunk by a truck. The U-boat in question attacked a convoy in the Atlantic and then rose to see the effect. The merchant ship it sank had material strapped to its deck including a fleet of trucks, one of which was thrown in the air by the explosion, landing on the U-boat and breaking its back

  • Jeremy Bentham, a British philosopher who died in 1832,left his entire estate to the London Hospital provided that his body be allowed to preside over its board meetings. His skeleton was clothed and fitted with a wax mask of his face. It was present at the meeting for 92 years.

  • Diet Coke was only invented in 1982.

  • Methane gas can often be seen bubbling up from the bottom of ponds. It is produced by the decomposition of dead plants and animals in the mud.
    There are more than 1,700 references to gems and precious stones in the King James translation of the Bible.

  • The E. Coli bacterium propels itself with a 'motor' only one-millionth of an inch in diameter, a thousand times smaller than the tiniest motors built to date by man. The rotation of the bacterial motor comes from a current of protons. The efficiency of the motor approaches 100 per cent.

  • Henry Ford produced the model T only in black because the black paint available at the time was the fastest to dry.

  • At - 40 degrees Centigrade a person loses about 14.4 calories per hour by breathing.

  • Pet superstores now sell about 40 percent of all pet food

  • One million Americans, about 3,000 each day, take up smoking each year. Most of them are children.

  • In 1933, Mickey Mouse, an animated cartoon character, received 800,000 fan letters.

  • There are only four words in the English language which end in '-dous': tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous

  • If you attempted to count to stars in a galaxy at a rate of one every second it would take around 3,000 years to count them all.

  • Less than 3% of Nestlé's sales are for chocolate.

  • The average person will spend two weeks over their lifetime waiting for the traffic light to change

  • More than 2500 left handed people are killed every year from using right handed products

  • It is estimated that at any one time, 0.7% of the world's population are drunk

  • The tip of a 1/3 inch long hour-hand on a wristwatch travels at 0.00000275 mph

  • Less than one per cent of the 500 Chinese cities have clean air, respiratory disease is China's leading cause of death.

  • The number of cars on the planet is increasing three times faster than the population growth

  • The X's that people sometimes put at the end of letters or notes to mean a kiss, actually started back in the 1000's when Lords would sign their names at the end of documents to other important people. It was originally a cross that they would kiss after signing to signify that they were faithful to God and their King. Over the years though, it slanted into the X

  • Nova Scotia is Latin for 'New Scotland.'

  • The collecting of Beer mats is called Tegestology.

  • Even though it is widely attributed to him Shakespeare never actually used the word 'gadzooks'.

  • Only 2 blue moons (the saying 'only once in a blue moon ' refers to the occurrence of two full moons during one calendar month) are to occur between now and 2001. Those times are January 1999 and March 1999

  • "Naked" means to be unprotected. "Nude" means unclothed

  • Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower', because in the time when al original print had to be set in individual letters, the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case stored smaller, 'lower case' letters
    In the 40's, the Bich pen was changed to Bic for fear that Americans would pronounce it 'Bitch.'

<>



From the book "Polish Your Furniture with Panty Hose" by Joey Green.
Copyright 1995. Reprinted with permission.
For more alternative uses for products, visit www.wackyuses.com

I highly recommend visiting his Joey's site :-)

BOUNCE...the stuff you use in your dryer:

  • IT............. Repels mosquitoes. Tie a sheet of Bounce through a belt loop when outdoors during mosquito season.

  • Eliminates static electricity from your television screen.

  • Since Bounce is designed to help eliminate static cling, wipe your television screen with a used sheet of Bounce to keep dust from resettling.

  • Dissolves soap scum from shower doors. Clean with a used sheet of Bounce.

  • Freshens the air in your home. Place an individual sheet of Bounce in a drawer or hang one in the closet.

  • Prevents thread from tangling. Run a threaded needle through a sheet of Bounce to eliminate the static cling on the thread before sewing.

  • Eliminates static cling from pantyhose. Rub a damp, used sheet of Bounce over the hose.

  • Prevents musty suitcases. Place an individual sheet of Bounce inside empty luggage before storing.

  • Freshens the air in your car. Place a sheet of Bounce under the front sea

  • Cleans baked-on food from a cooking pan. Put a sheet in the pan, fill with water, let sit overnight and sponge clean. The anti-static agents apparently weaken the bond between the food and the pan while the fabric softening agents soften the baked-on food.

  • Place a sheet of Bounce at the bottom of the wastebasket. Collects cat hair. Rubbing the area with a sheet of Bounce will magnetically attract all the loose hairs.

  • Wipe the blinds with a sheet of Bounce to prevent dust from resettling.

  • Wipes up sawdust from drilling or sandpapering. A used sheet of Bounce will collect sawdust like a tack cloth.

  • Eliminates odors in dirty laundry. Place an individual sheet of Bounce at the bottom of a laundry bag or hamper

  • Deodorizes shoes or sneakers. Place a sheet of Bounce in your shoes or sneakers overnight so they'll smell great in the morning.

COCA COLA

  • Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl, Let the "real thing"sit for one hour, then flush clean

  • The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.

  • To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a crumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca Cola.

  • To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.

  • To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.

  • To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of Coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains.

  • It will also clean road haze from your windshield.



  • Lincoln and Kennedy

Here's a little part of US history which makes you go h-m-m-m:
Have a history teacher explain this if they can?

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners.
Both successors were named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born! in 1839. I was corrected on this and he was born on 1838
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Kennedy.' I was corrected on this and the theater was named Ford at the time of the assassination. Thanks H.!
Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln.'
Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here's the kicker...
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.



Interesting Fact about the Pope John Paul II death

Pope was living 85 years - sum of those numbers = 13

Pope died on 2.04.2005 - sum of those numbers = 13

Pope died at 21.37 - again - sum is equal.... 13

13...that's Maria's number - only that time Holy Mother was showing herself to 3 children in Fatima

on 13th May 1981 - Pope was wounded and that time was saved by Holy Mother

on 13th Pope went to the hospital for the first time

on 13th died the last child of three from Fatima to whom Holy Mother showed up

Pope died on 02.04.2005 at 21.37.. add all those numbers....

2+4+2+5 = 13

2+1+3+7 = 13

13+13=26

26 years of pontificate......

Coincidence? or it had to be like this?

in the end......he died in 13th week of the year...and when you multiply the time of his death 21 x 37...you will have 777

Pope was living exactly 31 thousands days...if you reverse

figures...you will get again 13!!!



World Cup

Brazil last won the world cup in 1994. Before that they won it in 1970. Add 1970 and 1994, it equals 3964.

Germany last won in 1990. Before that they won in 1974. Add 1990 and 1974, it equals 3964.

Argentina last won the world cup in 1986. Before that they won it in 1978. Add 1978 and 1986, it equals 3964.

So going by this logic, The winner of the 2002 world cup is the same as the 3964 - 2002 = 1962 world cup. The 1962 world cup was won by Brazil. It was really Brazil who won!!!



Importance of Drinking Enough Water

  1. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated.

  2. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is
    often mistaken for hunger.

  3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%.

  4. One glass of water shuts down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a U-Washington study.

  5. Lack of water is the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.

  6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.

  7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen.

  8. Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer.



Here is a list of what I thought very funny. I left it in the form that I received it.

  • If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.(Hardly seems worth it.)

  • If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!)

  • The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body
    to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!)

  • A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

  • A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.)

  • Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Do not try this at home...... maybe at work.)

  • The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")

    • A mantis breeder has assured me that you preying mantis can copulate with the male's head still attached, even several times.

  • The flea can jump 350 times its body length. For a human, that would be equivalent to jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes...lucky pig... can you imagine??)

  • The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

  • Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

  • Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)

  • The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm........won't go there.)

  • Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (OK, so that would be a good thing....)

  • A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out.)

  • An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)

  • Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too.)

  • Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)

  • Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??)


• Just twenty seconds worth of fuel remained when Apollo 11's lunar module landed on the moon.
• The 'You are here' arrow on a map is called the IDEO locator.
• MTV first aired at 12:01 AM on August 1, 1981. The first video was 'Video Killed the Radio Star' by the Bugles.
• There are more than 1,00 chemicals in a cup of coffee.
• The number of cars on the planet is increasing three times faster than the population growth

• At - 40 degrees Centigrade a person loses about 14.4 calories per hour by breathing.
• Pearls melt in vinegar.
• A lion's roar can be heard from five miles away.
• Snails can sleep for 3 years without eating.
• There is about 200 times more gold in the worlds oceans, than has been mined in our entire history.
• Hair and nails do not continue to grow after death. The skin recedes, making it appear to grow.
• Windmills always turn counter-clockwise. Except for the windmills in Ireland.
• Termites eat wood twice as fast when listening to heavy metal music.
• The cockroach dies from radiation and would not survive a nuclear war.
• In the southern hemisphere, water always swirl anti-clockwise down into a pipe.
• About 8 million blood cells die in the human body every second, and the same number are born each second.
• Eighteen per cent of all global carbon dioxide emissions are from cars.
• Every year, the Moon moves a further 3.82cm from the Earth.
• It takes about 20 seconds for a red blood cell to circle the whole body.
• 35 meters of hair fiber is produced every day on the average adult scalp.
• Hair is the fastest growing tissue in the body, second only to bone marrow.
• Dolphins don't automatically breath; they have to tell themselves to do it.

•The term Cop comes from Constable on Patrol, which is a term used in England.
• Onions get their distinctive smell by soaking up sulfur from the
soil.
• Nobel Prize resulted from a late change in the will of Alfred Nobel, who did not want to be remembered as a propagator of violence-he invented dynamite.
• Whoopi Goldberg was a mortuary cosmetologist and a bricklayer before becoming an actress.
• Guinness Book Of Records holds the record for being the book most stolen from Public Libraries.
• Charlie Chaplin won third place in a Charlie Chaplin look alike contest.
• Walt Disney named Mickey Mouse after Mickey Rooney, whose mother he dated for some time. Another story states that: Mickey mouse was not named after Mickey Rooney he was made on a train ride from New York after Walt found out he didn't actually own Oswald the lucky rabbit. The mouse Walt drew was originally named Mortimor But his wife Lilly didn't like that name so she suggested Mickey and the name stuck.

• Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he didn't wear pants.
• From 1942 until the end of World War II, Oscars were made out of plaster to conserve metal. After the war, the winners received "real" replacement statues.

• The only Oscar statuette ever made of wood was presented to Edgar Bergen in 1938 for his "outstanding comic creation," his ventriloquist dummy Charlie McCarthy.

• A person afflicted with hexadectylism has six fingers or six toes on one or both hands and feet.
• Pamela Lee-Anderson is Canada's Centennial Baby, being the first baby born on the centennial anniversary of Canada's independence.
• Tokyo has had 24 recorded instances of people either killed or receiving serious skull fractures while bowing to each other with the traditional Japanese greeting.