The Ultimate Rejection Letter

Herbert A. Millington
Chair - Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University
College Hill, MA 34109

Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I
regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me
an assistant professor position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually
large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field
of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in
rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at
this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor
in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,
Chris L. Jensen

Biggest PJ Ever

One day a man comes out of the Bank and hires an Auto for his home.

The auto-driver charged him 100 rs, which is far far larger than the
actual charge, that is 10 rs. The man doesn't know the actual charge and
paid the money.

Now, the mystry begins from the very next morning when the man
awakes.

Suddenly he feels that it's still dark outside and the sun hasn't yet
shown its face. But soon he realise that it's not the case of sun but
he's
actually is not able to see. In short he's blind. He gets very
tensed doesn't know what to do. His entire day has passed with great
anxiety,proceeds, the man gradually starts regaining his eyesight
and he once again normal when it's completely dark out side. At this he is
completely confused and perplexed. He's very eager to know what's
the behind, but finds not a single proper reason for this.
, can you help him to find out the reason behind his sudden
blindness??











a bit
















a bit more

















socho socho














it's very simple
















give one more try

















hit your head on the wall





















It's very simple













































AUTOWALE NE US AADMI KO ULLU BANAYA THA, got it?

Ten Dollars Is Ten Dollars

Fred and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year. Every year Fred would say, “Edna, I’d like to ride in that there airplane.” And every year Edna would say, “I know Fred, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.”

One year Fred and Edna went to the fair and Fred said, “Edna, I’m 71 years old. If I don’t ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance.” Edna replied, “Fred that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.”

The pilot overheard them and said, “Folks, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won’t charge you, but if you say one word it’s ten dollars.”

Fred and Edna agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word.

They land and the pilot turns to Fred, “By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn’t.”

Fred replied, “Well, I was going to say something when Edna fell out of the plane, but ten dollars is ten dollars.”

Funny Questions,Wierd Answers.

Top 10 stupid questions people usually ask in obvi

1. At the movies:
When you meet acquaintances/ friends.. .
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?

Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here...

2. In the bus:
A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?

Answer:- No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.. ...why don't you
try again.

3. At a funeral:
One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.

Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:-
Is the "Butter Paneer Masala" good??

Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We
occassionaly also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together:
When some distant aunt meets you after years
Stupid Question:-Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.

Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?

Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating ,insensitive lout...it's just
the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?

Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in
Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping.... you dumb witted
moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?

Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding.... ..

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?

Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman in your office
asks...
Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke.

Answer:- Gosh, it's a miracle ...........it was a piece of chalk and
now it's in flames!!!

10 things you don’t like to hear during surgery

I’ve just recently had a surgery for my right hand and I know how scary it feels just thinking about going under the knife. I had a good laugh reading this joke today. But seriously - these are 10 things that I surely don’t want to hear my doctor say…

* Has anyone seen my watch?


* Come back with that! Bad Dog!

* Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?

* Hand me that… uh… thingy over there.

* What do you mean he wasn’t in for a sex change!

* Damn, there go the lights again…

* Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

* What do you mean, he’s not insured?

* Let’s hurry, I don’t want to miss “Bay Watch”

And the number one thing I don’t want to her my doctor say during surgery…

* Oops!

Fastest Hand Record

Intresting Facts

Saturday mail delivery, in Canada, was eliminated, by Canada Post, on February 1, 1969!

In Tokyo, a bicycle is faster than a car; for most trips of less than 50 minutes!

There are 18 different animal shapes in the Animal Crackers cookie zoo!

Should there be a crash, Prince Charles and Prince William never travel on the same airplane; as a precaution!

Your body is creating and killing 15 million red blood cells per second!

The king of hearts is the only king without a moustache, on a standard playing card!

There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos!

There is one slot machine, in Las Vegas, for every eight inhabitants!

The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. It was the fashion, in Renaissance Florence, to shave them off!

Every day, 20 banks are robbed. The average take is $2,500!

The most popular first name in the world is Muhammad!

Tablecloths were originally meant to be served as towels with which dinner guests could wipe their hands and faces, after eating!

Tourists, visiting Iceland, should know that tipping, at a restaurant, is considered an insult!

One car out of every 230 made was stolen, last year!

The names of Popeye’s four nephews are Pipeye, Peepeye, Pupeye, and Poopeye!

Until the nineteenth century, solid blocks of tea were used as money; in Siberia!

The Nobel Peace Prize medal depicts three naked men, with their hands on each other’s shoulders!

When glass breaks, the cracks move faster than 3,000 miles per hour. To photograph the event, a camera must shoot at a millionth of a second!

A Boeing 747 airliner holds 57,285 gallons of fuel!

A car uses 1.6 ounces of gas, when idling for one minute. Half an ounce is used to start the average automobile!

The Philadelphia mint produces 26 million pennies per day!

A lightning bolt generates temperatures five times hotter than those found at the sun’s surface!

A violin contains about 70 separate pieces of wood!

It is estimated that 4 million “junk” telephone calls, phone solicitations by persons or programmed machine, were made, every day, in the United States!

It takes glass one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times!

Forest fires move faster uphill than downhill!

Almost half the newspapers, in the world, are published in the United States and Canada!

Stupid Question & Sharp Answer

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.



GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...



GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??



GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple



GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??



BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??



BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??



SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.



MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.



WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.



MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.



Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".



Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".



Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".



Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?



Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".



Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".



Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".



Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".



Teacher : "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."



Teacher : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

Conversation between Husband & Wife who are in Computer Field.

This is a conversation between Husband & Wife who are in Computer Field.

HUSBAND: Hi Dear, I am logged in.

WIFE: Would you like to have some snacks?

HUSBAND: Hard disk full.

WIFE: Have you brought the saree?

HUSBAND: Bad command or file name.

WIFE: But I told you about it in the morning!

HUSBAND: Syntax error, abort, retry, cancel.

WIFE: HAE BHAGAWAN! Forget it, where's your salary?

HUSBAND: File in use, read only. try after some time.

WIFE: Atleast give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.

HUSBAND: Sharing violation, access denied.

WIFE: I made a mistake in marrying you!

HUSBAND: Data type mismatch.

WIFE: You are useless!

HUSBAND: By default.

WIFE: Who was there with you in the car this morning?

HUSBAND: System unstable. Press ctrl, alt, del to reboot.

WIFE: What is my value in your life?

HUSBAND: Unknown virus detected.

WIFE: Do you love me or your computer?!

HUSBAND: Too many parameters.

WIFE: I will go to my dad's house!

HUSBAND: Program performed illegal operation, it will close.

WIFE: I will leave you forever!

HUSBAND: Close all programs and log out for another user.

WIFE: It's worthless talking to you!

HUSBAND: Shut down the computer.

WIFE: I am going!!!

HUSBAND: It is now safe to turn off your computer.

Go by your doctor's advice :-))

(1Smoke Once a Day ... !!!






(2) Take just One Glass of Alcohol a Day !!!

If Oil Prices Keep Increasing

Sleeping Might Be Harmfull Sometimes

A wife awoke early one morning to the sounds of her husband angrily banging
around pots and pans in the kitchens.
When she goes downstairs, she sees that he is looking for something to eat
but, more importantly, is very upset about something.
"What's the problem, darling? Didn't your program work?"
"It worked. I wrote that code until the wee hours of the morning, and it
worked!"
"Then what's the matter? Where there are a lot of bugs in it?"
"I took special pains to eliminate the bugs. It worked, and it worked
perfectly!"
"So what's wrong?"
"I was so tired when I finished, I decided to take a little nap, just for a
few minutes."
"Did you not sleep well? Did you have a nightmare?" the concerned wife
inquired.
"No, I slept perfectly well ... with my head on the backspace key."

Police Call Centre

Nine Words Women Use

1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying &*^$ YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

This is to all men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

Funny Homeless Signs